Thoughts

It is hard to describe what I have been feeling during the last week and a half. I have had the opportunity to give a couple of presentations on my latest trips to Haiti; one presentation to my colleagues and one to a company that donates to most of my trips. Talking about my trips brings back many memories; both happy and sad. Each time I bring Haiti up in conversation in relights the fire burning inside of me to make a difference.

On Saturday morning I happened to come across a post on Facebook that had stated that one of the babies I know from GLA was sick and needed prayers. It broke my heart, and brought me to tears. This same day I was to go to my family Christmas celebrations. How was I supposed to show up in good spirits knowing that one of the little babies that holds a special place in my heart was sick. It brought me comfort knowing that they would do the best they could to make him better.  I hear stories and see pictures about sick and suffering children in Haiti weekly and it breaks my heart. And then there’s some days where I see the stories of little ones I met 3 years ago that were so malnourished that are now striving and starting school. And this makes me extremely happy.

My emotions around Haiti are on a rollercoaster most days.

You know I am really serious when I say that Haiti will forever change you. Well it has for me anyways. I can’t go a day without looking at a picture of my little babies, thinking of previous experiences or talking to friends who I have met in Haiti. Haiti is just a part of my everyday life. It’s hard for me to go a day without talking to someone about my experiences in Haiti.

Where would I be today and who would I be today if it wasn’t for that first trip I took to the Dominican Republic almost 4 years ago now.

This weekend was extremely tough for me…

I am sure most of you have had your heart broken in your life time…you know that feeling where you feel like your heart is literally aching…

This weekend my heart was aching…

Literally aching…

I felt like I could have broken out in tears at any moment.

If someone called me and said, drop everything and come to Haiti, I would have been on a plane immediately…

All I could picture was being reunited with my little ones and holding them in my arms…

But for now all I can do is pray…

 

Update the little one I speak about above is doing much better!!

Final Thoughts

Well the weekend is here and it has sunk in that I only have 2 more days here in Haiti.

Two more days to spend with my kiddos who I love and will miss sooo much!!

Two more days to spend with the wonderful friends I have made here.

Two more days of Haiti….the people, the sights, the smells, the food…

Where has the time gone?!

As I lay in bed sick on Friday I reflected on my time here in Haiti and started to cry.

The tears are already flowing and it’s Friday….I can only imagine what Monday will bring.

I dread leaving this place.

It’s a bittersweet feeling; there are people back at home I am VERY excited to see but leaving is so hard.

After 3 trips it doesn’t get easier.

I think it get’s harder.

People ask me all the time are you homesick?

And it’s really hard for me to answer that question because yes there’s days like when I was sick that all I wanted was to be at home. And then there’s days where I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world but here.

Please pray for me as I leave Haiti Monday morning.  

Adoption

I want to share a special moment with you that I had this week. An adoptive mother and her friends came Monday and this mother was meeting her child for the first time!  It was so exciting to watch them interact throughout the week and for the mother to fall in love with her child. Listening to her explain the process and the heartache and excitement that comes along with adoption I was in awe of how strong of a person you have to be to go through this process. It’s an emotional rollercoaster full of ups and downs.

It’s a waiting game..

Not knowing when you are going to have your child at home with you…

Not knowing what is happening in their lives on a day to day basis…

Not knowing when they are happy or when they are sad…

Missing out on their first steps, their first words….

On Thursday came the time for her to leave and say goodbye to her baby for who knows how long, she’s hoping 6-8 months.

The staff came up and told her it is time to go…

And I watched as tears fell down her face and she cuddled her little baby for the last time until who knows when…

I started to cry, trying to hide my tears behind my sunglasses.

My heart ached for this mom.

But at the same time I was excited that soon enough this little girl will have a mommy, a place that will be her forever home.

I pray that the process goes quickly and that she and all the other adoptive parents out there will have their children in their arms.

For the day where they won’t have to say goodbye.

On Thursday night we had the arrival of about 23 new children to GLA.

The Haitian government closed an orphanage up the mountain that was not well run.

It is unknown whether these children will be here for a couple of nights, days, weeks, or years.

Please read about the children here and pray for them and if you can support financially that would be greatly appreciatedJ

Haitian Happiness

I always said how lucky I was to have been on 4 trips to a third world country and be spared sickness.

 Well no longer can I say that….

Thursday morning I woke up feeling very nauseated and thought I could make it through my day, well I was wrong by lunch I was back up at the toddler house in my bed and stayed there until Friday afternoon.

They call it Haitian Happiness.

Let me say being sick at home is no fun being sick in Haiti is worse.  No air conditioning, hot weather, all I wanted was my own bed and for someone to take care of me.

And for those of you who know me I hate sitting around in bed and resting…

I was pretty bummed out knowing that I only had a couple of days left with my kids and wanted to spend every minute I could with them until I boarded the plane.

But I made it through and am feeling much better and ready for my last weekend in Haiti.

Thankful

It’s hard to believe that just over 3 weeks ago I left home for my adventure back to Haiti for my third trip.

I am so blessed to be able to say that this is my third trip and that all my trips have been funded by some amazing people back home, who know my love for Haiti and continue to support me year after year! Thank youJ

I think back to two years ago as a first timer to Haiti at 18 years old.

2 years ago my life was changed, in many many ways.

I came home a different person.

A changed person.

A girl with a different appreciation for life, and for the many “things” I have back home.

Running, clean water

Health Care

Schooling

A family

A house

Food

My car

Warm showers

Air conditioning

A job

A toilet

Smooth, paved roads

And the list goes on and on….

It’s crazy to think how one trip, 3 weeks, changed the person who I would be for the rest of my life.  It turned my world upside down and back again, all in a good way!

I am forever changed and so grateful that I am.

I will continue to visit Haiti and do as much as I can to help those near and afar.

With only one week left I reflect on my thoughts today and have very mixed feelings.

Yes don’t get me wrong I am VERY excited to see everyone back at home, sleep in my bed, etc, but the thought of leaving makes me sad knowing that it will be at least another year or more until I am back again.

One day I hope to spend more than a month in Haiti, but until then I will soak up my last week with my kiddos and give them as much love as possible!

Sharing my Love

I always have dreamed of bringing those I love with me to see this place called Haiti that has a huge piece of my heart.

This year I got to fulfill part of that dream, bringing 5 of my good friends to Haiti with me.

In August of 2011 I decided that I would try and get a team together to go and then find an organization that would take us. It just so happened that all 5 of my roommates (one honorary roommate) and a friend from my town would all agree to join me on a medical adventure to Haiti.

In my trip to Haiti in May of 2010 I was sitting around at the hotel when this lady came and sat beside me and we started chatting. She told me she was from Hands up from Haiti and told me her story.  So I sent an email in early August asking about going on a trip and that’s when our adventure started. Jill who is one of the founders of Hands up for Haiti decided to head up our trip.

After many many emails, skype dates, fundraisers, meetings, teaching plans we were headed to Haiti. It was hard to believe that the day had finally come, after planning for 10 months and trying to prepare the girls as best as I could we were on a plane.

Our adventure started May 5^th at 2:30 am in the morning, most of the girls couldn’t sleep they were beaming with excitement and a tinge of nervousness for what was to come. We met up with our team in Newark, NJ and it was so nice to finally meet them and put names to face after just knowing them mostly through email.

When our plane touched down all I could do was smile, smile because I was back, with some of my best friends, to a place I call my second home.

Throughout the day of flying and arriving in Haiti I just sat back and watched the girls and their reactions and emotions as they experienced everything for the first time.  It was so nice to experience Haiti again through the reactions of first timers! The sounds, the people, the smell, the mountains, the busyness of everyday life,  the beauty, the hardships, the language.

I am so happy to say that I have 6 new fellow Haiti lovers! 6 new people with a passion and heart for the little island that so many people know so little about. Friends with burning desire to take what they saw and learned and make a difference!  6 new people to help spread the word to others and spread awareness to those around us.

I am also so happy to have met and worked with the rest of our crew from New York area. We were joined by 4 nurses, 2 pediatricians and a computer geniusJ These people all have a HUGE heart for the people of Haiti and do amazing work!! They are all such an inspiration to me and fuel my passion more to help the people of Haiti. Thank you for all your hard work in helping make this trip so memorable and life changing for all. Thank you for all you do to help the Haitian people, your dedication is admirable. I am so excited to continue to work with your organization and for our next trip!

One day I hope to bring some of my family and more of my friends to Haiti, to see why I talk so much about this place that’s only a mere 6 hours away.  It’s a place that’s hard to understand until you experience it for yourself.  Until then I will continue to share my stories and love of this country and it’s people.

A day in the life of a GLA volunteer

7:00 am Wake up call to the roosters and barking dogs

8:00 am Walk down to the main house trying to not wipe out on the loose rocks

8:15-12:00 Play with 3 of my kiddos

12:00-1:00 pm Lunch which is Haitian style and then rest/computer time

1:00-4:45 pm Play with 3 more of my kiddos and get out other children that don’t have a volunteer

4:45 pm Set the table for dinner

5:00-5:30 the bell rings signaling dinner time which is mostly American type meals..always delicious!

6-9:30 pm Hang out with my roomies, internet time, read, sing a longs, baking (well I do the dishes and eat the food), board games,  movies

Saturdays and Sundays are for relaxation, church, fun and playing with the little ones both at the toddler house and main house. This past weekend we went up to the Baptist Haiti Mission and did some shopping and got food and ice cream J

We also had cinema night which has been one of my favourite nights by far! All the older children sat outside and watched Rio dancing to the musical parts. My first weekend we took a walk down to the waterfall and since it had rained the entire river bed was flooded…let’s just say I came home soaked! We had to jump from rock to rock hoping to not get swept away by the fast moving water. 

Introducing my little angels!

Meet Miss B. I am about 6 months old and am in the process of learning how to sit up all by myself.  I like to lay under the mobile and play with the toys that hang. I also enjoy hanging out in my bumbo chair, it helps me get ready for sitting up all by myself. I was very sick and malnourished when I first came to GLA, but am a healthy little girl now!

Meet Mr. D.  I am sooo smart!!!  I used to be shy and quiet but no anymore! I spend my mornings down at the toddler house with the big kids. I am going to be having a birthday this summer and I  will be 2 years old. I love pushing the shopping cart around the balcony and collecting the toys. I have the biggest eyes and cutest smile and I have stolen Hope’s heart! I love hugs and cuddles.

Meet Mr. B. I was at GLA when Hope was here 2 years ago and was only just a tiny little baby. I miss my old volunteer Brittnei a lot! I came after the earthquake for help and went back to live my dad when I was 9 months old, but my dad  wasn’t able to take care of me anymore so now I am back at GLA to be adopted! I like to cuddle with Hope but also enjoy time in the pool, swings and in the play car! I also love bubbles and reading.

Meet Miss A. I was also a tiny preemie baby when Hope was here 2 years ago. I have some developmental delays that have yet been diagnosed. I have the cutest smile ever and loved pool day last week. I was all smiles as I sat in the bumbo chair in the pool. I am just over 2 years old and crawl all over the place! Today I went for a walk with Hope and was all smiles. I really love the play car, swings and bubbles. I am a bit of a daredevil and love to blow kisses and talk!

Meet Mr. B. I am one and a half years old! I am getting really good at walking but would rather sit if I can. I really enjoy my dog that my adoptive mother bought for me and will take it for walks around the balcony. When I want something I always point at it so Hope will know what I want. My smile is just so darn cute!

Meet Mr. M. I am soo full of energy and small but feisty!  I don’t really like to share and am in my fit throwing stage but we are working on that. I am getting really good at walking and am a busy beaver, always moving. I also have a birthday this summer and will be 2 years old.  

No Means NO!

During my first week in Cap Haitien I was able to experience teaching in a third world country. We taught boys and girls of all ages about menstruation, puberty, abuse and sexual education.

I don’t think we ever expected to hear what came out of some of the little boys and girls mouths.

Our first teaching session we were speaking to the girls about abuse and the one girl spoke up and said most girls here are just waiting to be abused….

Our first teaching session we asked the boys how many have hit a girl before and almost every single boy raised his hand…and laughed

Our second teaching session we again asked about abuse to the girls and they told us that it is common for boys to hit , slap, punch, cut them and let them bleed…

One of the older males we are not sure if he was a teacher or what his role was but he was sitting in on one of our teaching sessions and told us a story. He said one time I was with a girl and we were “fooling around” and then we were about to have sex and she said no. He said I told her that it would be okay and after talking to her we had sex and then she felt bad after her…we told this man that yes this is abuse…emotional abuse.

We asked the boys why they abuse women. Their answer well if they don’t obey or they do something wrong or that we don’t like.  

We told the boys that this is wrong and that girls deserve to be treated with respect and so do they. Conflicts can be resolved over talking them through instead of violence. We enforced that they could go to jail for many years with barely any food.

We realize it’s a part of their culture and that to make a difference we need to start with the younger generations. But it shouldn’t be normal, violence is not okay no matter where you live. No one deserves to be hit, punched, slapped, kicked or cut open and left to bleed..no one!

All of this information made us sad, angry, hurt, but started a fire in a lot of our hearts to make a difference! It brought us to tears and we left a lot of the abuse teaching sessions discouraged…and feeling like we were just talking for the sake of talking and that we weren’t getting through to these children.

But then I shared with our group in reflection one night that even if we got through to one person…just one person, we made a difference, maybe only a small one but it’s a start. If one girl goes home and thinks, you know what it’s not okay for me to get hit and I am not going to let anyone hit me, we have made progress.  

And the difference is now we are forever changed…you can’t turn back from what you heard and your going to go home and your going to research and your going to come back more prepared to make a bigger difference next time!!!

So to my girls back at home, don’t be discouraged because you did make a difference, you made a bigger difference than you could ever imagine, and the Haitians made a difference in your life that I know you will never forget!

“I saw what I saw and I can’t go back”…Sara Groves

Critical Thinking 101

Year after year in nursing school we are told to use our critical thinking skills. Ya ya we can all say we know how to critical think, well at least I thought I did….until I worked as a nurse in a clinic in Haiti.

Then my opinion changed.

Critical thinking is not having the right drugs/dosages and having to make do with what you have.

Critical thinking is not having a sharps container to put your old needles in and having to make your own “sharps container.”

Critical thinking is not having the best wound care supplies and using whatever you have.

Critical thinking is not having the right needle sizes.

Critical thinking is telling that mother whose breast milk has dried up that until she starts Medika Mamba (Haitian malnutrition program) she should add any type of oil to her mixture that she makes for the baby to add fat to the babies diet. (We had 2 babies come in super malnourished one that was 8 months weighing roughly 6 pounds)

Critical thinking is not speaking the same language and knowing that ¾ of your patients can’t read or write and explaining how to take 5 different medications without writing it down.

Critical thinking is explaining how to take a medication when almost no one carries  a watch around and most people don’t have 3 meals day, so instead using when you get up and before you go to bed even though that might not be the best way to take the pills.

Things that we would never think of doing in the hospital are done each day in third world countries because it is all they have and resources can be scarce. An example of what would make most health care professionals cringe at home; reusing gloves and medication cups because there is not enough to switch between each patient.

I was able to see things that in Canada I would probably never see, example scabies and tinea capitus which is very common in children in Haiti.

It scared me to think that when these patients were handed their drugs they may not remember how to take them when they get home.

Food for thought…Having 30 sick children and their parents waiting in this small, hot room and having 2 tiny rooms that include a triage area, two examining areas for the doctors and an area to administer medications. The one room is fully open and everyone can hear what you are saying…all privacy is out the window.

Close your eyes for a minute and imagine this. You are in labour and you arrive to the clinic fully dilated either by motorbike or walking...you have your baby in this tiny, tiny hot room with lot’s of people…about an hour later you deliver your baby with no pain medication…and then about 2 hours later you hop off the bed, put your clothes on, pick up your baby and ride off on a motorcycle.  This is a true story that we encountered on our trip and I tell you this woman is an inspiration. I honestly don’t know how many of us would say we could do that…

As a nursing student from a first world country I would have to say I am pretty darn lucky to have all the supplies and resources I need to give the best care possible to my patient’s. For all those nurses in third world countries…thank you! You are an inspiration to all of us nurses back home and you truly know the meaning of critical thinking and making do with what you have!

Again I am moved by the Haitian people and their resilience and inspired to make a difference!

Another video about GLA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFj8XfO3QN8&NR=1&feature=endscreen

GLA video

Want to know/see what GLA is all about, on the right side of the page is a youtube link to a video! Check it out:)

Hands up for Haiti

So I have decided that I will keep a blog again while I am in Haiti! This time I will be back for 1 month. (Something that my mother is very sad about) I first off want to send out a big thank you to all those who have supported me and my nursing friends on our trip. All of your help and donations is soooo greatly appreciated.
We will be heading off May 5th for what I hope will be an experience of a lifetime for my friends. I am very excited to be able to show them the place that I love and talk about on a daily basis. I hope that this journey will change their lives as much as it has changed mine. There are 6 of us nursing students going and we will be joined by 4 nurses, 2 pediatricians and someone to help out with whatever is needed. We are going with an organization called Hands up for Haiti based out of New York. I met a couple of participants from their organization on my last trip to Haiti last May and knew that it would be an awesome experience. Our plan for our trip is to travel to Cap Haitien and Bod me Limbe to conduct teaching sessions in schools, hospitals, and communities about topics such as menstruation, puberty, sexual education, preventing illness, nutrition, first aid and other medical topics. We each have spent time working on teaching lessons to teach while we are there. We will also be helping out in clinics in Cap Haitien and Bod me Limbe.

After the one week with the medical mission I will be off to God's Littlest Angels to spend 23 days at a place that I absolutely love. If you remember I was at GLA 2 years ago after the earthquake with my friend Brittnei. I can't wait to see some of the children, staff and volunteers that I met 2 years ago. While at GLA I will be taking care of the children, spending a couple of days in the NICU with Susan who is one of the nurses, and maybe even helping with some construction/painting at the new orphanage they are working on. The last time I was there they only had a couple of buildings so excited to see the changes!

I will try to post 1-2 times a week if more so you can follow along with me in my journey!

Until next time,
Hope